What does it mean to heal? How do we ever know for certain that we are whole? What does unconditional acceptance really feel like? I ponder these ideas and wonder if there is a benchmark moment for the occurrence of these things. Does it happen over time or does something inside simply click one day?
I know without a doubt that healing, becoming whole, and finding acceptance are things that entail a journey. What I want to know is whether that journey is ever complete. Do we ever reach a point where the process is over? A place where we are the most whole we can possibly be?
I want badly to say this place, this moment exists but I suspect the answer is no. Just like a tree, growth will never stop until life inevitably ends. That is the most sense I can make out of these things.
As things inescapably change in life we are forced to morph with where ever change brings us. Any event that occurs in life could potentially open up what we thought was a healed wound we had left behind.
I know for me, my thoughts/views of myself are constantly shifting. I may experience acceptance one day but not the next. This is why I am realizing that continued growth is essential.
Acceptance, wholeness, and healing are elements that need consistent attention, there may never be a finish line. I need to learn to be okay with that. Keeping what you strive these things to look like in your mind can help ensure that the progress you've made will not be destroyed.
I have worked tirelessly on developing positive feelings and growth around these things and in the past after arriving at the place I am today I would have thought my work was done. I know now this isn't the case.
This time around I need to be sure I take the time I need to give everything I've worked so hard for attention. I need to spend moments exploring the feelings that challenge me and how I feel about myself. I need to dig into how different moments affect my system.
I've found that as new experiences take place they will sure as hell challenge the work you've done. That leaves you with two choices; You can let them take you away from the place you have gotten to OR you can spend time on them, figuring out their purpose and work through them.
Caring about yourself is not selfish. Giving yourself what you need should not cause guilt. Thinking about how far I've come and hoping I am able to make the choices that keep me here.