I guess I'm learning that the more I decide to open myself up, whether it be to people or to experiences, there is more of a chance for me to get hurt. After sharing this blog with people over the past week, which basically ripped any protective cover I had off, I have been lucky that most of the feedback I've gotten is extremely loving and positive. I could not be more grateful for this.
I have also been taking a serious look at my life for the first time in I don't know how long and as a result have been taking responsibility and apologizing to people when necessary. This also has for the most part given me responses that have made me nothing but happy.
There have however been a few times when the reaction I got from people hasn't been something I, I guess "wanted". These instances have left me full of regret, sorrow, and sometimes confusion. They have made me question whether this whole opening up business was worth it.
After pondering that question I decided the answer is yes. Yes, it's worth it. It's worth it to show my truth. It's worth it to say what I need to. And it is worth it to feel the pain that may come up in the process. Because I know now that I can handle this pain. I have the skills within me to not engage in destructive behaviors, I am today able to feel it and just let it out.
Last night I felt these feelings intensely. After a long night out where the temptation to drink was high and after having dealt with challenging emotions throughout the day, I am proud to say, I was able to grab a coping skill from inside me, feel my feelings, and release the day that was now behind me.
Sometimes all you need to do is blast Blink-182 on your ride home and have a good cry.
"Openness reflects one's inner beauty of kindness and respect for all."