I'm working, I'm socializing, I'm living on my own, and truth be told I am exhausted by it all.
I have for so long been out of touch with the real world and it's like all the sudden I have been thrown back in with full force. I was not thrown by someone else, I was thrown by myself this time. I recognize that if I am to live even close to a full life I have to reacquaint myself with reality. I can not expect to be happy if I shut myself out from everything this world has to offer.
I feel like it happened so fast. Not that fast is a bad thing, it is sometimes just overwhelming. I went from doing absolutely nothing for months to having things I need to do each and everyday. I guess I'm getting back to being my adult self. This is great and I'm proud of it, but like I said I went from zero to everything in what seemed like an instant.
Having responsibility/ growing up has always been something that I am subconsciously frightened of. Taking ownership of my life is scary for me. I'm not ashamed to admit that. Knowing that I am responsible for myself and how my life goes is a lot for me to accept. I do not know what my fear around it is, I only know the fear is there.
There have been a lot of tough moments these past weeks since returning to this place called "the real world". I am getting through them. I am gaining confidence in the possibility that I can take care of myself. I hope in time this confidence will grow, allowing me to truly own my life and my choices.
I am remembering now that I am responsible for my life and I am the one that dictates what it will look like. This concept can be filled with fear or it can be seen as an exciting opportunity. An opportunity to have the life that I imagine, the one that I have been striving for, for years. I know now that since I am in a healthy place physically, mentally, and spiritually, that this life can actually be attained.
I am pushing through the exhaustion of it all and wishing for good things to come from all the hard work. We all deserve a great life, I'm realizing now more than ever that it takes tons of work to achieve this life, but in time we can all get there.